blacklighthouse

2010-02-18T23:05:00.001+08:00

HEY I'M BACK!!!!

Test Test

2010-02-18T23:03:00.001+08:00

TEST

I'm glad we met

2008-11-27T00:23:00.000+08:00

shaking in the season of farewells
a fleeting flower
everyone is walking while looking for
the same warm wind
encounters flow with the sky
under the misty clouds
just like the overlapping hands of the clock
it's slowly going around

if you are the hour hand
then I am the minute hand
while we show the same time
we pass each other countless times but we will meet again
even if our pace is different
if the future we see is the same
it is all right we can start
from the same place again

if the hour hand stops
the minute hand will stop
sharing the same pain
will suddenly turn to joy
everyone will only have one moment, one second, one time
which cannot be rewound
living without hesitation
searching for that encounter
that one person can say that one moment, one second
i am glad we met.

2008-11-23T09:35:00.002+08:00

-Ok back and continuing my part 2-

I generally think that, I'm really making a fool out of myself?

My incapability to command my languages well, my lack of general knowledge and pretty much saying that I'm lacking in the areas that i dire to possess.

It didn't turn out well. I wasn't able to portray myself and articulate myself well.

I'm not rich, I don't own a car, I'm stubborn and I'm pretty much a sensitive guy.

I wish I could be that little bit more likeable and accepted. A little more good looking. Have a car.

Apart knowing all these, I also know that I'm deeply in love with someone, someone that i have never felt towards before, someone that I can't imagine how wonderful she is till she is here. Wrapping her in my arms, I ever told myself this: "I better treasure every single second that i possibly will ever have with her. Having you my baby, in my arms, I will never make you cry. Having you in my arms, I will protect you."

And this is how it goes. Protecting you. Loving you with everything I have. I even started to miss her even though I'm with her. Baby, she might not be the most prefect women nor the most prettiest in everyone's eyes, but she is every single bit of that to me. Gorgerous, Sweet, Funny, Adorable, and Special.

I love her, i REALLYY DO, but everytime, when we are out, when we are waiting for bus or "public transports", i can't help to think that I'm quite a shit. Having to let my love wait for a bus for so long and still having to stand in there for the journey makes me sick, seriously. Seeing the cars zooming pass me everytime makes my heart a very small one, hidden somewhere deep within.

-to be continued-

2008-11-22T15:10:00.002+08:00

Its funny how things can be bizarrely wrong when you are out alone.

Take for example, before i was out doing my lonesome walking around and shopping for christmas, i had this wildest and the most incredible thoughts of what i will be doing for the day.

I will be thinking whether i should go for a wakeboard, since i have never tried that before, or i should go cycle the southern part of our tiny island for the day. Thoughts like this will come to a pass and eventually, my get-real-and-down-to-earth "me" will pull myself out of the comfort thoughts of the wildest ever possible thing to do, and just do something mundane, and by saying that, i mean coming over to city to join in the squeezing, cutting and racing around people frantically.

So here I am, at the desks of a vintage old redwood, probably came from some trees in China or Indonesia, awaiting my opportunity to join in the crazy vibe queuing up, seeing the incredible range of drinks one can make with just some sugar syrup and coffee powder. Joining the coffee craze along with a million others right now in the world, i found myself a little comfort i have from the uniqueness everyone is possessing.

Along with every table, every shops, every stairs and lifts thats within my sight, everyone i saw seems to be in their own share of world. Sad, tired, happy, chatty, bored (like what I'm feeling now) and along with a bazillion other emotions one can ever possibly portray.

Having to think about all these emotions that I have across my mind right now, makes me feel that life isn't fair at all. Looking at the christmas lighting doesn't makes me feel any at all "christmas-ee" What i do feel, however, is the impracticality usage of electricity in the near coming doom rise of the recession fever. Shouldn't they cut down on usage and try to do their part in keeping the business alive?

Nope, that is not true in the marketing sense. In times of recession, one will end up spending equally much on unnecessary stuff. Their way of cutting down usage and "slimming cost down is rather simple, retrenchment. I don't buy the craze and the need to have all these decors. And what is the point, to have lights and bulbs so near to the human traffic, and have to put up "DANGER, HIGH VOLTAGE" sign? Aren't they simple hilarious doing so?

Having said so much, I'm actually kind of thirsty already, - "Yeah I know, I'm using my hands and not my mouth, but still..... THRISTY!" - and the queue is never subsiding! SEE! This is the disadvantage of having to come out all alone. You just simply CANT LEAVE YOUR THINGS UNATTENTED!

Moving on with other things, -still thirsty- have you ever wonder the wildest possible thing you wanna do and yet decided not to, just like me sitting here writing this incredibly nonsensical crap." Confidence, Laziness, Funds and Purpose. Lacking any one of each, you will be far away from your desired dreams. So move on! Be it you want to be contented with life or not, MOVE ON! If you desire what you really want, then start doing something about it. "Saying is easier then done?" Trust me, I'm together with you in this shit. And i apologize if I am going to leave you hanging here because I really don't wish to talk about it. *Laughs*, Okay, not funny right? Umm. i figured that out already.

Having this two years spent not using much of my brain to do the stuffs i have been using it for for 18 years, i felt stupid. And i don't think anyone should be blamed for this except myself. For the past 1 year plus, i have been trying to read up as much as possible. I tried reading and problem-solving questions, just in order to keep my brain function. But then i realized that as hard as i tried, it is just so impossible to keep up my prime times. Day in and day out you will be kept out of reach of the "education materials" needed, exposed to the most impossibly redundant crap of your life, and breathing in the most polluted gases ever produced by an invention of mankind. Kid you not, i think my brain is actually dying.

Enough of that, tell you something, in fact, it might very well be the happiest thing have happened in my life. My love just came over from her scheduled appointment with her friend, whom is already late by the way,- as usual-, to drop of a drink for me! How sweet was that! I never thought that would happen to me. I tell you I feel like I'm the happiest guy on earth right now. And I am so sorry for making her angry at times. I feel so privileged to have her around my side. There is not enough thank you i can say or I love you i can express. But i simply do. It's a little nudge in my heart, sweetening my day and I am so so fortunate.

Thank You my Baby. Loving You so much.

I'm so over the moon right now, I think I will continue this post of mine after I have at the very least calmed myself down from this very "eggcited and happy" moment now.

true torment day no.1

2008-11-07T21:42:00.002+08:00

1 day, 5 hours, 1 gym, 1 book, 30 pages, 2 coffees, 1 mall of people, 4 texts, 3 calls, 1 bouquet of flowers, 1 dinner, 2 ATMS, 10 napkins, 1 album, 8 astores, 3 toilets, 4 expressos,

Ending tonight

One heart,
One Love,
One trust.

1 lonely 2 companion, 3 trouble.

One too early,
Two just nice,
Three too late.

LoVe

2008-11-03T09:37:00.003+08:00

Its been awhile, a little while of fresh,
You, you have no clue what it is like to be next to you.

This is the words from the woods of love.

Try to forget once in a while being with you,
missing you is harder.

Rainbows, singing its song.
Pain is peeling,
this is a fresh, fresh feeling.

Love blue orange white skies above,
doing love, done love,
lighting up your way,

make a safe bet,
you g'na get what you need.

Birds singin its song,
circus doing it show,

heart doing love.

F1

2008-09-27T23:20:00.004+08:00

woohoo... F1!! my dream is finally fulfilled...ticket cost 1400 dollars..my gosh...faints.. but well..i get to sit at the pit grandstand! haha...thanks ! this is my best birthday present!

Love Commitment

2008-09-03T23:26:00.003+08:00

What's love?

Love is Silly. It's about knowing that others judgement and how others think of you no longer stands in the roots of your heart. Only She matters.

Love is a Brave. It's about being there to shelter and wanting to protect, injuries and hurt, emotionally and physically, no longer stands in your way. All you ever will find, is caring for her and her heart.

Love is Selfish. It's about wanting to be that everyone she ever needs. Consultant, Best friend, Lover, Teacher, Superhero, Comedian. Wanting to be the multi-role character she ever gonna need. So that revolving around her, making her priority.

Love is a Service. Being there for her. Be her customer-service. Be her every complain listener. Be there to solve her problems, to bring smiles to her face. It's a 24/7 job. Never closes its door for her. Never opens for anyone else. Providing all sorts of help she ever needs.

Love is Bias. You no longer see facts as it is. She becomes everything. Her laugther will be the brightest in the world, no other is better. She becomes the only jewel in your eye. Everything you do and see, will be added and filthered with love.

Love is Heartship.

Love is Commitment. An enduring commitment. A commitment to do all of the above. A commitment to make her happy. A commitment towards her.

A Loving Commitment.

A Same Heart

2008-08-15T00:52:00.003+08:00

Silent night, sings its fair share of rhythm.

i then, my fair share of chaos in rhythm.

Maybe the night is silently so chaotic.

You wish to leave, nothing is simple.
Nothing is harder too.
Took me quite awhile to understand,
i still don't now, really, i don't.

Feeding on your poison,
let me go softly,
let me go, a way of regrets.

Let me say my love to you one last time,
sleepless nights,
hovering my bed.

Pedals of roses decor my floor,
intended for you to smile,
it decor instead, my faces in tears.
withers and dried,
same goes to my heart i say, not.

A same heart .

My homepaGe

2008-08-10T23:50:00.001+08:00

Hey com'on!
I'm bored that's why !

love love love

2008-08-02T00:39:00.000+08:00

That's all i want to say.

Princess

2008-07-29T23:03:00.001+08:00

Take off your ring of thoughts,
Your circle of worries.

Let me in, into your world of life,
Let me in, to show you the colours of love.
It's better off this way,
better this way.

Let not a chance to say goodbye to each other,
give me a chance to say i love you

Maybe? Not so.

I'm born to say i love you.
Tell me i'm wrong,

I'll tell you how determined i am.
Looking at you, tells me so much more that i love you.

Princess Jigsaws

2008-07-05T22:17:00.004+08:00

I'm not giving up,
Yet, i have not got the strength to pull through.

You're seriously a princess in my eyes,
my princess.

Life is really good to me, i led a very comfortable and warm family,
everyone is working hard to keep me safe and warmth i felt.

You appeared, you changed me,
i thought i'm already contented with life,
with you around, life isn't this content anymore.

You've made myself incomplete,
giving me the reason to love you,
makes my life a little thing called perfect.

Loving you is painful,
really so,
but you made my life a complete jigsaw.

This jigsaw of ours,
all edges and pieces don't seems to fit,
it promises to be a beautiful picture,
it is a beautiful picture, it really is,
i can see it in every single pieces of it

How beautifully each is crafted,
How each pieces tells a story,
How a complete jigsaw solves a puzzle.

I've placed all the pieces together,
unfitted, but as closely as sides touches,
one can figure out just how beautiful and stunning the picture it.
One really can.

Blank spaces,
awaiting for time to erode away,
leaving behind a lovely, yet lonely soulful picutre,
blank spaces,
waiting for you to cover.

you are my time, My Love. A girl called Princess

2008-07-04T23:46:00.004+08:00

ever will i know the melody of love,
something i have lost dearly to.

past will never return,
a future that will no longer come,
a present that is lost.

Been there, felt it, and lost it.
at least,
just so,
at last,

i have been through,
I'm lucky.
And i have lost it too.
No regrets.

i still love you,
though no answers you have given.

still listening,
still searching,
for the melody of love.
not for the sake of love,
but for your sake.

to understand love,
to love you better,
to love you more.

endless depths of love seems impossible,
depths of love is possible through love.

staircases of love

2008-07-04T23:38:00.004+08:00

i never knew missing you is this hard,
i never knew forgetting you hurts even more,
i never knew how much you means to me.

i never knew that,
i'm so madly in love with you.

ever so frequently, your message came,
grabbing my heart, you left without saying goodbye.

leaving me a spiral staircases of memories,
each steps telling how much i love you, differently.

it goes round and round, never will i know,
whether I'm progressing upwards or down.

All that i know, I've been walking and still walking till I've catch up with you.

Return me my heart, i ask not of you.

All i ask is, you, run further away with my heart,
to a place i can never find you again.

Keep my heart safe in a place you call love.

Reality Memories

2008-07-04T23:34:00.002+08:00

Reality checks in,
memories remains,

A life lived, holding dear to the memories i have been struggling to keep afresh,
more then the reality i'm facing.

Paths crossed, now passed the junctions we both once crossed together.

You moved on, while i waited on for our coming again.

Looking at all directions, i somehow forgotten where i came from.

Am i in reality or memories i call reality.

2008-06-22T19:29:00.004+08:00

thank you, thank you for your love

acting like nothing's wrong again

covering up all the melancholy tones

putting on a smile

the importance of believing

even if i understand it, there's still times

when i doubt it.

when you cast away that empty shell i feel like i'm gonna overflow

i just wanna hold you tight

I'm strongly moved by these feelings

one word, one fulfilled heart

a place to return to, thanks for your love.

sweet love.

2008-06-22T18:26:00.000+08:00

its alright
if you just look up,
see, it's alright
a rainbow bridge
finally we can laugh under the same sky...

when i retie my shoelaces,
the wind pushes me on from behind
beyond the spilled light from the sky
lets paint out the rest of our dreams,
the left side of my chest is beating so hard
hope and uncertainties pulse through me
it is really going to be ok?
can i really make it through this..?

its alright
if you just look up,
see, it's alright
a rainbow bridge
if we let all our tears out they'll weave themselves into the sky
you can see it right?
far off in the distance.

i miss you..

Missing Her

2008-06-11T19:57:00.002+08:00

I'm thinking of her,
missing her.
Miss holding the chilling cold hands of hers,
it's as if the hands of her needs care and warmth as long as it needs.
And i wish i could be the one so badly. I love her too. But often only tears seems to flow.
Many times i have tried. But maybe its just not enough hard. It failed.

Is my hands not warm enough?

i thought.

Oh Well Guess I Am Too Bored

2008-05-26T17:09:00.003+08:00

My favorite complied list of songs !!
Pg 1-3

This is a Love Song

2008-05-25T21:18:00.002+08:00

This tune that i sing, that my heart sings is no ordinary song for all. This is a tune specially composed with memories and feelings and time we had spent together. A song that only you will be able to appreciate and listen. Loving you, just like composing this song, full of high and low notes, both adding up to a beautiful song. A song that can't sound lovely without it.You are so great that i melt and falls through the pit. Loving you is so wonderful.

History, It's call history

2008-05-18T22:05:00.003+08:00

Looking through archive, looking through pictures, looking through friends whom i have not contacted for ages; it seems so distant my history. Everything seems so long ago, everything seems so distant. I'm grateful for people whom have crossed my path with me, walk a few steps of my life together with me. For few, have walked merely steps but distances with me, i thank you. For this, there will be no paragraphs, no sentences, no structure of composite. Just plain words. Looking through all these, i seems to have enact my life in my brain once more. Looking at my past, i can feel a sense of helpless in regards with time. Thinking all that i have gone through, is that much? Or am i plain fortunate? Thinking so much, i cant help but to be sad. Will i feel the same when i look back at this post? How will i live then? Everything seems so distant with me now. Even the present. How is this happening, i really feel so lonely all these years. Have i said all these because I am lonely now? Am i affected by my emotions or am i justified.

2008-05-17T23:51:00.002+08:00

Have i been deceiving myself?

With all that i have done, i think that it is still surface work.

All the effort that I have given, it is not enough.

Have i forgotten how to love someone?

Or have I not met the real one?

Or have I became one that fear to love again?

It has been quite some time i have loved anyone. Really long, have i forgotten to love. i think i have the rights to believe so.

To believe that i have forgotten.

Now that I finally got someone in mind. No, in heart. It seems hard to love.

So hard to venture out and be myself to love. So hard to take the first step again.

I am really so afraid to take the first step again.

Now that i know your requirements for a partner, it seems so hard for me to catch up.

But i like you, yet it seems so unreachable.

Why at times, i simply just feel so distant from you. It seems that i don't feel connected with you at times, but then there are times we throughly enjoyed. So what is it going to be?

I tried so hard to be someone better; someone better to be in the position worthy to love you. Have I lost myself? Have i improved? Have i changed?

Looking back finding myself, i find myself inadequately unfamiliar with myself again.

There are so many things I want to be, so many things that I want.

But knowing that I can only have one, being one; is enough to spins me running in my head.

How good am I actually.

Simply, just who out there understands me. I doubt.

LoVe

2008-05-09T22:33:00.004+08:00

Love is the only flower that grows and blossoms without the aid of the season.

I cannot see what flowers are at my feet, nor what soft incense hangs upon the boughs.

Love is the flower - you've got to let it grow.

A kiss without a hug is like a flower without the fragrance.

Gather the flowers, but spare the buds.

Life is a flower of which love is the honey.

Autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower.

Big doesn't means better, sunflowers aren't better than violets.

The flower-girl's prayer to buy roses and sinks, hold out in the smoke, like stars by day.

A root is a flower that disdains fame.

The earth laughs in flowers.

Keep love in your heart.

A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead.

Sweetest Thoughts Left Untouched

2008-05-05T23:29:00.003+08:00

Hasn't it been a long time ?

A long time since i had done something sweet.

Nowadays, only getting to hear from peers and good friends around me, saying how wonderful their partner have been.

It draws lots of attention onto my heart, it has been a long long time isn't it? i asked myself.

How sweet how others are, how dear they are madly; deeply in love.

How have i long lost that kind of feeling, how have i long forgotten that stance.

I can be sweet too ! i can be lovable too ! i told myself.

No chance yet to come by.

Tried so hard, till it seems I'm not trying at all.

there are many sweet things i wish i could do also,

how i wish i could feel "part of the whole, relationship-thing."

Awaiting my chance to come, awaiting a right girl to come by,

to be dote and love by me, pouring of the sweetest possible thing.

I've come back again, to a place that i meant to be alone.

After so long i have fought to stay out of single.

I've come back again to be one.

How i wish i could be in love again.

To give and to receive is all i ask, but simply simple it seems, so, simply hard.

-all that I'm asking for is a chance, a chance to be sweet towards you.-

Spell This ! Quote This !

2008-04-24T22:37:00.002+08:00

Ambivalent:
- Uncertainty or fluctuation, especially when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things.
- coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object or action, simultaneously drawing him in opposite direction.

Florid:
- excessively ornate; showy; florid writing.

Trammeled:
- a hindrance or impediment to free action; restraint.

Tantalize:
- to torment with, or as if with, the sight of something desired but out of reach.
- tease by arousing expectations that are repeatedly disappointed.

Ostensibly:
- outwardly appearing as such; professed; pretended.
- apparent, evident; conspicuous.

Unfurls:
- to spread or open (something)

Languid:
- lacking in spirit or interest; listless; indifferent.
- drooping or flagging from weakness or fatigue (faint).

Stampede:
- a sudden, frenzied rush or headlong flight or a herd of frightened animals.
- rush

Attrition:
- a wearing down or weakening of resistance.
- a gradual reduction in work force without firing as when workers resign or retire and are not replaced.
- friction
- a reduction of numbers, size and strength.

Fractal:
- a geometrical or physical structure having an irregular or fragmented shape at all scales of measurement between a greatest and smallest scale such that certain mathematical or physical properties of the structure, as the perimeter of a curve dimensions of the structure are greater than the spatial dimensions.

Elucidated:
- to make lucid or clear; throw light upon.
- to provide clarification

Parsimonious:
- tight, close, miserly, illiberal, mean.

Prolix:
- extended to great, unnecessary, tedious length, long and wordy.

Amicable:
- characterized by or showing goodwill; friendly; peaceable.

Austere:
- sever in manner or appearance; uncompromising; strict; forbidding.
- grave; serious; solemn.
- severely simple; without excess; luxury, simple.

Random Thoughts

2008-04-01T20:28:00.002+08:00

Is Life a game ?
Is Life a rule?

So why did you sing?
Why did you cry?
Why did you smile and let it all go,
letting it all go when i'm there.

Isn't it okay to think about ending?
Isn't it okay to let it not even started?

Lets put it away till tomorrow.
Hustle yourself down the memory lane of mine,
Cooking up excuses tingles my mind.

Is it okay to say you to say sorry?

Ghastly Roses

2008-03-16T18:08:00.004+08:00

Staring on the ground decor with petals of roses,
roses that you said you love.
It came from a nursery of many others,
upon reaching you, the designated owner,
you swipe it onto the floor,
littering my heart, decorating the floor,
cleared your answers.
Petals so innocently glamoring its unintended host, the floor.
Wind ghastly comes by a greeting of mockery,
as the petals of the rich-red roses, dancing gracefully along,
with the wind.

Compilations of Love and Misses 2

2008-03-16T17:39:00.003+08:00

Images of you pigments my heart as how ink pigments the paper.
It sticks and absorbs through the paper,
just as how u flows and absorbs by my heart.

Everything will comes to an end sooner or later, respectable to time.
May the images of you tickles and pedals me on till its time to end,
Flower withers, water dries up.
Fire extinguishes, love stops.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Rowing a sincere boat,
a boat-ful of roses,
thorns aside,
boat glides alongside.
Alongside a yard of roses of thorns,
all attention onto you.
All so perfect and graceful.
Nothing else describes the beau of you.
Of you in my heart.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Don't say goodbye as yet,
Its isn't over yet.
things just got started.
Isn't it wrong to stop now?
Don't stop please.
Please let this heart of mine continue for a purpose.
Let this soul of mine longs for you a little longer.
It's just a thought.
Just a thought traded for something, somewhere.

All i need is the air you breathe, and a place to hide my feelings.
To rest my feelings on you.
A place, a place you would prefer me to hide in,
a place where all you ever needed.
It's time to move, to move into the place you'd hide me in.

A place that only you and I knows of.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Light screwing out its solitary silence,
music 'blasting-ly' mute,
world's going wrong direction.
You came along and change my prospect of everything.
You may be the last to feel it,
I'm the first.
World starts revolving rightly position.
You've carried me to somewhere strange yet natural.
It's a normal yet different place,
a place where lights no longer screams,
music no longer being loud.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
When the twinkling stars in the wonders of the skies forms your face,
i stare into the skies in appreciation,
When the wind ghastly whisper into my ear,
reminding me of your voice,
i enjoyed the moment of your beau in within,

Morning comes by,
and the clouds drew you in in.
Accompanied by the gentle awaking morning dew breeze.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Compilations of Love and Misses

2008-03-16T00:30:00.002+08:00

Missing someone has never been so hard before,
walking down my shore of memories,
have found new misses,

So don't say goodbyes,
your smiles that worth a thousand candles,
my heart melts like never before.

Being with you a moment, needs a big heart to comprehend.
How my heart melts in your presences.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Knowing you is simple,
getting to know you makes my heart fonder,
Harder to let go, harder to give up.
Easier to give in, easier to let in.
A kind of warmth i got is not comprehensible with a blanket over me.

A stormy weather however,
speaks how cold i felt when you're not around.
How every droplets rushes towards the earths speaks of my urge to catch a glimpse of you again,
again so sooner.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Don;t wake me up this dream of mine,
a dream that consist of you makes it harder to wake up.
Putting my thoughts on the floor,
everything seems so much clearer,
catching a glimpse of everything,
i've got a better understanding now.

Dreaming out loud, dreaming now,
Floor is getting brighter, It's dawn.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A night outfield

2008-03-02T18:04:00.004+08:00

The sun sets down for its day of glory.
The moon creeps out gently into the skies.
Lurking the beau of the night with stars glittering dressing the skies as the fine sand dressing the desert.
Immersing myself in the wonders of the skies, enjoying the calm beauty of the glitters.
The moon standing out from the rest, drowning my attention in my heart.
I'm missing her.
Miss that silly and sincere conversation.
Before long, the sun takes its place, placing myself in a skies of misses thoughts of her.

Lone Tree, Lone Future

2008-03-02T18:00:00.002+08:00

Standing underneath a lushing lone tree,
looking far ahead, took a chance,
took a fall.
Couples couples having their own spaces and time,
songs gently melts in my lone heart.
Accompanied by the tree, it shares my feel.
Looking back, i chose to ignore the bigger picture.

Looking back now, songs still rhythm in my heart.
The tree still here with me.

Slient night, Mass Voices

2008-03-02T17:57:00.003+08:00

Voices of many, silent within,
sharing a common shelter, distances away from the souls,
Hearing masses of voices, i chose to be away from.
In within me, i'm thinking, i miss her.
Not too long ago, everything seems so fine.
Now that i've feelings for her, my heart pins for her.
Thinking of her becomes a norm now.

leafy Growths

2008-02-29T23:24:00.002+08:00

Growing up, a seeds sprouts into something,
Wind blows, leafy lushes the melody of the afternoon,
sun blazing brightly, showering the sprout.
Cloaked with the presences of the sun, the little sprout continues its growth journey to being a tree.

if you are just willing to take the chance to shine your love on me, i'll grow up sprouting leadts, displaying the nurturing glory.

delicated safe place

2008-02-24T18:09:00.002+08:00

So why did you borrowed words from my heart,
fooling myself with my words,
i heard nothing much.
Your words resonates deep and wide in within myself

Closing the doors of my heart,
your words still cling tightly,
why did you borrow the words from my hearts.

Trying to fill my aches with the few words you gave,
why did you sing with me,
singing the choir of love,
when it means nothing to you.

Where does the road goes,
where does the dreams goes,
across my heart.
One safe place u choose not to,
will you make a smoother landing on the heart of mine.

Product Characteristic

2008-01-19T11:32:00.000+08:00

This is a Product Characteristics that i have found from a "China Made - Kinetic Powered Torch Light"

1. This product is a new science and technology product and made with high and new science and technology. it can illuminate only placing it in rhythm.

2. No need any power no environmental pollution. Low noise and health. comparing with common torch,it can be several times on lift.

3. Con stanly using this health torch, it can benefit to your palm, arm and shoulder stretching and blood circulation,so as to let your hands relax and brain clever,hand and brain coor dinate and promote your brain memory and health composition.

WHAT ON EARTH !!

Maybe I can try to correct this a bit and point out the errors. =X

1. This product is a new science and technology product and made with high and new science and technology. it can illuminate only placing it in rhythm.
Comments and CORRECTIONS:
What on earth do they need to say NEW SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY when its just a simple gear driven, simple minded technology engineering?!! More of all, it repeated NEW SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY twice in a sentence that doesn't consist of more then 20 words. =x

Utterly hilarious. "IT CAN ILLUMINATE ONLY PLACING IT IN RHYTHM." What that means!!!!! I figured it out that they MIGHT be trying very hard to say, Lights will only illuminate if you constantly exert force, "timingly", on the pulling mechanism of the torch.

2. no need any power no environmental pollution. Low noise and health. comparing with common torch,it can be several times on lift.
Comments and CORRECTIONS:
NO NEED ANY POWER NO ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION, WHAT ENGLISH IS THIS !! Can't they simply put it as, doesn't require any power which in hand promotes environmental friendliness. (Use "kind" words in a marketing description and characteristic!!).

Spacing Error!!

Low Noise and Health. What are they trying to mean !!! Low noise contributing to the healthy being of the user? *Faints*

What is "Comparing with common torch,it can be several times on lift?"
I'm sorry, i seriously have no idea what they are trying to say. *laughs*

3. Con stanly using this health torch, it can benefit to your palm, arm and shoulder stretching and blood circulation,so as to let your hands relax and brain clever,hand and brain coor dinate and promote your brain memory and health composition.
Comments and CORRECTIONS:
Spacing ERROR > Con stanlty
What does this mean !! > > Constantly using this health torch, ..... It's not a HEALTH TORCH in the first place to speak with !!!
IT CAN BENEFIT TO YOUR PALM, ARM AND SHOULDER STRETCHING AND BLOOD CIRCULATION. Yeah right man, its just a kinetic torch for sake !! And yeah, by typing this blog out, it REALLY helps to circulates my blood with better efficiency.
SO AS TO LET YOUR HANDS RELAX AND BRAIN CLEVER, *hilarious*, how to relax your hands when you're constantly trying to keep the light on by pressing and squeezing the torch!! BRAIN CLEVER??? What is that? More "brainier"?
HAND AND BRAIN COOR DINATE AND PROMOTE YOUR BRAIN MEMORY AND HEALTH COMPOSTION. Okay, NOW LOOK! how does constantly pressing on a kinetic torch promotes brain coordination when it's only utilize one side of your hand. I think it will Degenerate your brain instead. And what does the torch got to do with promoting BRAIN MEMORY !! It's not a noble prize winning product okay !! How on earth it promotes brain memory !!!! My Goodness.

-windy tears-

2008-01-06T00:31:00.000+08:00

Wind gently brushing pass my cheek,
bringing chill and cold to heart,
cold as i felt along the lines my tears have taken paths.
Brought away by the wind that comes to comfort.

As keys and notes comes off the beau of the piano,
melodies of piano sweetly, smoothly flows into me,
capturing my feelings along with the lightness of the notes,
an feelings of lightness floatings within me.

Feel

2007-12-30T00:20:00.000+08:00

Feel your breeze, Feeling your breeze in my heart.
And never stopped walking in the breeze.

Number of wounds rounded up won't vanish,
increasing with the breeze of your heart.
Little worries, i kept to myself.

Night is long, and sinks deeply into it.
When day is up, it will be gleaming.

Some day, the future that I've dreamed will be different from,
Tears shed for a differences, for a dream will keep shining without fading.
Feeling all of the dreams eternally, overflowing like clouds breezes

As the dreams goes far,
Sky turns hazy,
Wind carrying me softly,
carrying my feelings.

Some day. the future will be different from my dream,
Will be a different.
Tears shed for dreams will keep shining without fading,
My heart will always watch after the dream,
Feelings that tears my dream apart,
Falling for feelings of dreams eternally overflowing like those of the summer clouds.

Prayer

2007-12-18T16:24:00.001+08:00

Lord, I thank you for this day. I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness.

Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so tha t I can hear from You.

Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things.

Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. Let me continue to see sin through God's eyes and acknowledge it as evil. And when I sin, let me repent, and confess with my mouth my wrongdoing, and receive the forgiveness of God.

And when this world closes in on me, let me remember Jesus' example -- to slip away and find a quiet place to pray. It's the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits. I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will.

Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak. Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others. I pray for those who are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those who are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those who will delete this without sharing it w ith others. I pray for those who don't believe. But I thank you that I believe.

I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace, love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met.

I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees them and every mouth that confesses them willingly..

This is my prayer.
In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Will Summer Come?

2007-12-02T01:32:00.001+08:00

When everything seems so right,
you believe nothing will go wrong, nothing will change.
That is summer, that is love.

When love comes, summer comes along and stays.
When winter comes, you will need someone along seeing winter.
You gonna need someone to get you out.

Seeing you tearing, it feels winter in my heart.
And i wonder why.
When someone comes alone. You left the winter for me.

Yet....

I will bring a summer, a everlasting summer,
a summer that melts the snow,
a summer that you no longer remember winter.

Melt In Snow

2007-12-02T01:26:00.000+08:00

Love at first stays ar summer
That's when you thought everything will be fine
Noone thinks it's going to end.

When things goes wrong,
you are left alone and winter comes along

And You are alone.

I'll bring along the sun, lighting up a heart that's once a brightly lit summer

When left alone. i felt coldness,
I've been through winter, bringing summer by none.

Bringing you a summer, i didn't mean to open up your door
But you know when winter comes, you will not be alone.

I'll be with you.

Bringing u yet again another summer.

stars tearing

2007-09-29T23:58:00.000+08:00

looking high up in the skies,
stars blanket my loneliness,
night breeze keeping me accompanied.

Escaping from the attention of my bunkies,
retreating to a corner, to miss life, miss her.
Strength that i need, no longer there,
only skies of stars keeping me for the night.

No darker then the skies be found,
i found myself tearing again.
Finding myself drained,
i chose to say every of my questions to the stars.

2007-09-29T23:53:00.000+08:00

Having enough to stop thinking,
Having so to stop.

Want to stop,
Need to stop,
Failed to stop,

Maybe she has already move on with life.
Maybe i no longer means anything.

Looking across that little island full of memories, ever changing.
With more changes, my heart not able to keep up pieceing back memories we did had.
Remembering conversation,
remembering her smile under the shine of the sun,
blocking my line of sight,
seeing only her with smiles is all i wanted to.

Thats all i know.

Now that she has move on with others,
i shall keep only memories.
I shall be sensible.
I cant step in the way anymore.
So sorry for myself then

delicate

2007-09-09T23:43:00.000+08:00

putting my pen down,
i have not stopped writing,
it is not that i'm afraid,
it is not that i don't believe,
it just that i never stopped trying.

Why would you borrow words,
from the place you only know,
to fill myself with sorrow.

it is delicate, so delicate.
why did you fill my sorrow,
with the selfishness of yourself.
why did you say i'm sorry,
with the consequence untouched.

my pen stops writing,
for tears have made the letter illegible,
for the ink seems too young for this,
paper seems so innocent in this whole.

Never had silence feel my heart this long,
never had my pen stops writing,
never had the writer stops thinking,
now the writer can only think,
what had he wrote all these while,
what he had wrote with life.

Now he can only nostalgia over the words,
over the pages,
over the stains of memoir on some pages,
over some chapters of the book.

_chapter_

2007-09-04T00:23:00.000+08:00

You have a better choice then i do,

You can choose to love or not to love me,

whereas,

I get to only choose to love you or to love you deeper.

You once mentioned, "life isn't fair",

i never did understood that meaning,

now, i post it in my own understanding,

yes, life isn't fair, not at all.

How much must i, should i, do i ought to do.

Can't be love be simpler ?

Why must love be so hard to understand ?

What is love ?

I'm thrown into a maze of you,

Do you remember me telling you that every moment about us i will remember?
Because i treasure this relationship a lot?

How we spend our time after work,
How you brought me to eat prata, Fish heads steamboat, food at chomps,
cartel at chomps, ice creams at swens, butter scotch, bread down my house, oreo frappe.
I've yet to get any excuse to celebrate at Haagen Daze,
Remember the first fondue i made?

Remember it was pouring in the night, and i took an umbrella without hesitation and waited for you outside kumon? I was silly then, i was so worried that you might end work early, and i kept worrying, i was moving quickly and stumbling along the passage way, i had a injured ankle. Then when i reached, i tried to peep into the window curtains to see if you are still there. I saw you through the small gap, i was relief. I know you wont have to be drenched. But i was.

Remember we took a long journey and into the army camp site in a bus ? I enjoyed being a tourist, enjoyed listening to your every word. I was amazed by the place, but i was even more attracted to you.

Remember the first time we went to the zoo? you wanted so badly for the horse carriage, and i wanted that with you too, but then we didn't had the chance.

Remember the first celebration we had? your birthday and our one month anniversary? We had dinner at Indochine and followed by an ice-cream treat at haagen daze. Covering ourselves in the blanket of stars, we enjoyed our ice cream above so many others in a building roof.

Remember the first quarrel we had? it was foolish isn't it. It wasn't about us to start with.

Remember the football jigsaw you wanted us to complete together? You were so stubborn to not follow the numbers printed behind. In the end, we had to mis-piece all and re-do again. It was Mos burger i remembered. I enjoyed myself, and that's why i wanted to give you a jigsaw too. But its never complete. It was never given a chance to complete. Just like us, maybe we did not give this relationship a chance to complete itself.

Remember the first time i wanted to surprise you at kumon? I was a muddlehead back then, i have forgotten how to get there. Finally i reached there, i was happy, excited actually, wanted so badly to see your expression on your face.

Remember when we were working at coffee club? You texted me saying that you had a surprise for me, that suppose to be your off day. But you appeared working. At first i thought my wishes came true, to see you again, i missed you back then. I was thrilled to see you there. See you smile so brightly. Wow...it's really amazing.

Remember how nervous you are when you about to present your entre project? I was too. Felt quite warmth to know that i could share the same feeling with you that moment. Felt so right in heart.

Oh ya, I remembered you coming to my void deck so late in the night, passing me a present and mooncakes Yes i had predicted it, but then i was all so happy to see you again. Seeing you lighting candles, the little girl in you in action, i was drunk seeing.

I remember always trying to pay attention to things that you said you will like, i tried hard to remember. Honey mustard, four leaves, fish soup rice, home fav's, so much and many more. i even tried to remember what your granny likes. Yes i am trying to get into good books with her. Because i'm all so serious about you.

There are so many things i regretted doing, hurting you is the most regretful thing i had done. I'm so sorry. Maybe i should stand in your shoe to think more, but haven't i done that too much? It is contradicting, i am confused.

jus glad ~

2007-09-01T22:12:00.000+08:00

Now that you are happy by yourself,
freed from all nonsense,
I'm glad for you.
Just plain gladness.

Just as glad, as how you finished your projects on time after all nights,
How many times have i been there for you even when i'm trapped myself,

Just as glad, when you first started your attachment,
with you working and attachment,
i was worried,
how small things like bites and things you loved,
i remembered,
even if i can't, i wrote all down,
so long i can at least brighten your weary day,
seeing your smile is so worth every effort.
so worth so worth,
so worth, that i start missing very pieces of memory i left,

Just as glad when you passed your driving,
i was up on my toes,
praying for your pass,
You did it !
i was glad.
I then realized that i've tried too much too hard,
hurting you and myself.

Leaving only words to be kept only in my heart,
flowing out when we quarrel is one thing i dread to do,

I'm glad for you now...
for now, finally, i can take my breathe,
i can start picking myself from where i left my selfless me,
putting you in first, i've neglected even myself.

now that i can take a breathe....
its a breathe i rather not take...
it hurts, simply does.

Traces. . . ..

2007-08-31T23:40:00.000+08:00

Traces of your love is getting further,
How have i not missed you.
Have i stopped loving you ?
For I'm feeling worst now,
my love has to be kept within.

As much as i do wan to care and love you,
I'm afraid I'm afraid i was not allowed to do so more.
It is painful keeping hurt and love from you,
it is hurtful for me to be angry with you.
i Love You.
it might be easier for you to forget me if i'm cold to you.
I've led myself into a storm of coldness.
With all the love i have,
I have chosen to be cold towards you,

This is not what I'm expecting;
This is not me.

someone....help me please....
*cries*

Amusement

2007-08-31T23:23:00.000+08:00

I'm amazed by how you look when you first caught my attention,
I'm amazed that i didn't aware of your sweetness and innocent any sooner,
I'm amazed by you, amazed by your smiles.
I'm amazed that i was once someone that can make you laughs.
I'm amazed that i soon fell in love with you.

and i was amazed that i fell so deeply in love with you; uncontrollably.

I'm amazed at how lovely you look everyday,
I'm amazed by our character so deeply,
.
.
.
I'm amazed by how turns of events have turns us to,
I'm amazed by our constant quarreling,
I'm amazed that how we first attracted each other, now turns against us.
I'm amazed by all the hurt that comes, all the effort we have put in, so amazingly.
I'm amazed by how we ended, how much we had put in to yield such returns.

I'm amazed to see you, feeling no connections stills me.
Feelings so slow and lost in time,
I'm so so amazed by you, i'm so amazingly loving you.

you dance in my heart,
leaving footsteps all over me,
without knowing, you have walked rounds in my heart,
it felt comfortable with your footsteps all over,
my heart starts to get used to having a companion,
.
.
.
days of events stirs cold winds to my heart,
burying the footsteps,
my heart feels cold and lonely.

I'm amazed how hard my heart aches,
I'm amazed how vulnerable i was,
I'm amazed how much i could spend night tearing for my lost.

I'm amazed by you, by you; I'm amazed by.

2007-08-27T19:09:00.000+08:00

i always believe that i have got a strong will and mind,
never have i thought that You have caused me to shaken so badly.

For this post felt a foot print in my heart,
in days when i have returned to view,
i shall grieve for the lost again.
For i have not heal,
i still yearn for love.

~Diary_

2007-08-24T21:34:00.000+08:00

Memories vividly true.
Scents of you blends plain.

seeing everything else besides you now,
hurtful yet hurtful again.

Pictures of you holds the key to my memory,
memory of you holds the key to my heart,
feelings of you holds the key to my soul,
forgetting you stands no feet.

Grieve over my lost,
for your willfulness,
for your selfishness,

"i don't know what this will bring us, but lets give it a try ok?"
for a word like that, i held my heart in captives, not getting too high hopes.
For you are so attractive in my heart, i held no strength not to love you all.
For our start of a relationship, you had someone else in heart,
i was no good then, i was hurt.
For again we tried, and tired we grew because you aren't prepared.
Have i not done enough? So tired we already were,
have i not held strong and put up a strong face ?
Am i not allowed spaces for error ?
So many questions, all answers drowns in your way.
so many hurts, drown in my effort to make you happy still.

Why am i not loved so?
Why am i not...
Still disappointed with your answers that i stomps.
back then, for the first time, i was devastated and lost completely.
For the first time, my heart decided to rest.
For the first time, it no longer hurt,
it plainly fills with sorrows.

Completely Incomplete

2007-08-20T11:13:00.000+08:00

Time passes me by,
memories holding me back.

It has been long since i last really have a good look at you,
i've been a cry baby, as if i have lost someone very important in my life,
no, i did lost someone important in my life, You.

starving for your love, starving for you.
Why.......

tRy~

2007-08-19T22:06:00.000+08:00

it seems so good to be true,
when every remark of future that we can have together,
yet i cant believe that you had the heart to say the things you said.
it hurts so badly that it ended us.

i cant believe all this relation between us gone down the drain.
how i wish things don't happen this way.
i tried so many times to save this relationship but you just couldn't see
you just keep insisting.
Now that all you got to say is sorry,
how would that help?

All we did is fight and say things hurtful to each other,
all we did started me hurting and crying.
We had a tough journey and i guess you had enough of it and it all go.
If you just tell me whats the point of holding on to our love when it hurts us all,
i will recite.

everything seems so far from me now,
waking up to reality or sleeping into one?

Early Heart

2007-08-10T16:02:00.000+08:00

so many times i was alone,
so many times i couldn't sleep.
Ever since you are gone,
i found it hard on myself.
There's so much that your heart just couldn't see.
A thousand wasted dreams roll of my eyes.

I like to be on the road again,
like the feeling to be used to be the other day.
My heart is always finding a place to hide.
Hide from all our memories.
Hiding from all the "us" we had.

Now that we are no longer we,
do i not take a break?
do i not to care for you anymore?
do i not take care of your heart?
do i not kept all feelings i wan you to have to myself?
do i not kept every hurt and pain all to myself?
do i not want you to feel the pain i feeling now?

Is it ok not to think of you now.
Is it ok for me to let it all go.
Is it ok for my sleep turn into cries.
Is it ok for me to wait till tomorrow.
It is ok for me to put myself away to take care of your heart?
Of your heart i came,
of your heart i learnt
of your heart i change
of your heart i tried.

For time and yourself, cant wait for my changes to be made.
I sing my cries with my heartache and tears.
For so many times,
i was weary,
i kept quiet,
i long for your laughters,
i long for closeness.

Now that it is all gone.
I still love you so much.

To you

2007-08-10T12:55:00.001+08:00

jus as usual,

when i turn around that corner, i merge into the sea of people

and melt away into nothingi lose myself completely

and find no words to say

yet, one thing, your voices

still remains, still remains

everything about your, your smile, your anger

keeps me walking forward

if i just look up, where the clouds starts to break

i think you know what i mean

Hearts

2007-08-09T17:09:00.001+08:00

That day begins when you made the decision.
A new chapter of your life is made.
A new decision of mine is made.

I force myself to promise that i will not cry for you ever again.
I promise myself not to get hurt again.
The more i don't cry, the more pain i feel.
It is not going to end.
I feel like crying out now, it's painful.

But i can't.

How much longer i can hold,
How much more strength i have in me?
I have already used all up in loving you.
Why love doesn't justify me,
What am i.

So much memories, and it hurts me to get them of my head one by one,
it hurts to think, it hurts to get them out.
Neither is less painful, neither is less easy.
I miss you, but it hurts me to think of you.
I yearn for you, its painful for me to know that i can't anymore.

A little island off coast,
holding immerse memories for myself to indulge in.
Every train seems so vivdly filled with us.
Every step on the beach seems so clear.
Every thing there seems small for i have only you in heart.
Lot of arguement,
Lots of love,
I fret not as it is your heart i am after.
Looking over the island,
I see a load full of memories that melts me

Emotion Struggle

2007-08-08T09:37:00.000+08:00

You woke me up a reality,
throwing me into yet another reality that i wrote this all about.

I am back to where i first started.
Hanged out to dry, dry of my weary tears that streams down the same path along my face.

And i can write it down about us and get lost in the maze of us.
Where you belong and where belong i am with ?

hOw MuCh i WeIgH...

2007-07-30T22:45:00.001+08:00

How much do i weigh,
how much do i weigh in you heart,
how much do i weigh actually.

How much have i done,
how much have i done for your one "i love you"
how much have i done actually.

How much have i done,
how much have i done to deserve this,
how much have i done to reserve your love.

Love is complex.
How do you actually love me.
How do you actually have feelings for me.
How do you actually take me as?

yet have i heard much from you.

How much must i do to deserve your I Love You.
Do i not deserve your feelings?
Why don't you understand my needs a bit more?
Hang on, for i don't know what will goes on.

As this piece goes on, God lifts me up.
For i know, i weigh enough in God's hands.
For God has given me the strength to do so much.

PerHapS perhaps perhapS

2007-07-30T22:39:00.000+08:00

Maybe it is a stone, maybe it is a diamond.
Maybe it is fragrance, Maybe it is just air.
Maybe you are good, maybe i am bad.
Maybe you are right, maybe i am wrong.
Maybe my tears shed for feelings, maybe my heart is tired.
Maybe the right is be wronged, maybe the wronged is right.
Maybe i am no longer me, maybe that is what i really am.
Maybe my mind is confused, maybe my heart is tangled.

Maybe is a plentiful of guess and truths are only handfuls

Slient Nights

2007-03-03T23:09:00.000+08:00

On a slient night, listening to the sounds and music that akin to my emotions and feelings. flowing with the troubles and helplessness in my heart, listening to songs that akin to my feelings. Tears fall short down my weary eyes. I see myself in an accompany of a night of loneliness.

Tides, Depth and Sea

2007-03-03T23:05:00.002+08:00

Swallowed by the sea, beneath the ground i am.
No life,
No feelings,
No memories
No you.

Building a craft, i sailed the sea.
A destination that doesn't consist of anywhere esle on earth other then your heart,
A wind of direction your heart blew draws me nearer and further from you,
A swallow sea drown me not,
A deep sea i drown,
I know you love me..
Tides of waves your heart pours, juggles my feelings.

Tides, Depth and Sea

2007-03-03T23:05:00.001+08:00

~Fidelity~

2007-02-27T20:40:00.000+08:00

Probably you are a dream come true,
Probably you are there for me to discover,
Probably you are just a dream,
Probably i am just not meant for you.

For everything that we have done, we have seen and touched,
i wanna go through it all over again.
Zoo, Chomp Chomp, Kathiv Mac, Huogang Interchange, Chinatown, Pasir Ris Park...
I wanna be there, mimic the things we have done before, for the memories are so vivid.

From falling in love with you, till today, remains the same,
i will never find another lover sweeter then you, sweeter then you.

I chose to say a fact that i so long took courage to break,
For a fact that i prepared myself to say, i've altogether hurt you all over again.
For my selfishness, i care not your feelings ?
For my righteousness, i care not your heart ?
For my honestly, i hurt you ?
For the courage you have taken the first step, makes both our hurt goes deeper.
For YOU i love, i chose to not hide from you in shame.

I just want to give you something worth living for.
It's only foolish,
But we have just begun,
I dont wanna stop this, i just want to be someone worth living for.

-SoMeTHING worTH waitING fOR-

2007-02-23T23:35:00.000+08:00

A day passed, just like that, wasted.
Days when i'm with you, don't seems so.

Till Today, cherishing you is the right thing to do.

Loaded with worries, i choose to trust you.

Loaded with love, i happen to hurt you.

Why am i denied the rights to love you.

Can i show you that i'm for real ?

Why do i seems so far from you, when you have got the keys to my heart.

-a brittled key; a cased lock.-

Why continue if this journey hurts so much,i looks on my destination, journey is just the process.roads might changes, injuries i may have, for the love i have tasted is so real, i press on for the destination, You.

Thesis of Hurt

2007-02-22T21:52:00.000+08:00

Why rays of hopes are given when you aren't ready.

Why did you give the chance to lit up again.

Why did you kiss me.

Why did you hug me.

Don't you know that gives me a sense of love and hope ?

Fell and up i picked, fell i got myself into again.

Sky is big and oceans deep, not big enough to contain my sorrowness.

Trees green and snow white, not as vivid as my pain.

Don't deminish my hope after you have given them to me.

Don't take away my hope when pain is so hard to bear everytime.

"all i wanna do, is to be there for you when you need me"

"all i wanna do, is to make you happy"
-it seems so fiction now. a fiction that i used to have complete faith in.

Holding you in my arms, all troubles just disappears and all i wanna do is to be there.
Happiness seems so distants. Why is it that hard for us to get back ?

Why didn't you believe me that we shouldn't take things that slow.
Why didn't you choose to trust and believe in me in anythings i do ?

Am i unreliable?
i want to love you, but i don't see if you are opening up for me.

a basket of hope

2007-02-18T23:03:00.000+08:00

The love i can give, is not what you want ?
The love i need, is not what you can give ?

For that i choose to disagree.
For the fact that if so, we won't be attracted by each other in the first place.
For that fact, we wont be together in the first place.

Is it really my fault to give my best in a relationship?
is it wrong to give my best again after another fail?
Is treasuring each other this hard ?
Am i thinking too much ?

dragging my feet, i took you along.
into this endless fight, we exhausted.
sitting here then there, i felt helpless.
tears roll with my helplessness and pain.
tears rolls with my fustrations.
tears rolls with my feelings for you.
i yearn for you.

LoSt treasures

2007-02-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

You asked me to listen to Zui Jin - Li Sheng Jie.
You said the lyrics somehow is about us.

Are we already not competitable for each other ?
Are we already giving up on this ?
Is this what Love is all about ?
Is this how we should end it ?
My image of us, is never in this way..
My image of us is everything about us.
Is this a beginning or an ending.
Is this going cycle or are we really and ready to break free from this and have a better future.

2007-02-17T21:05:00.000+08:00

Assurance, Faith, Trust, Love, Commitment, Beliefs

Though,
-communicated
-cried
-tried
-hurt
-thinking for you
-emptied
-doubts
-end.

Can LoVe be more complex ? Can LovE be more demanding.
Can lOvE last? Can lOVe withstand.
Can LOVE be more then what we are now, can love be simple.

How desstructive DoubTs can bring to LoVe,
how amazing LoVe and satisfy one?

how LoVe tortures one?
how LoVe fills one.

What's Understanding?
What's Compromising.

A RelationshiP that belongs to you and me,
a bond that we both share.
A LoVe that we both commits,
a time we share.

A Laughter of yours,
a warmth in me.
A Smile of yours,
a clouds' nine i feel
A Kiss from you,
a protective me.
A Tears of yours,
a broken heart i am.

A compromised you, a useless me?
A understanding you, a beautiful me?

Why is LoVe both filling and draining?
There are many kinds of love. You are a kind of it.
You, are a form of living love i gain.

Can i be your blanket when it snows,
Can i be your shield when you're hurt,
Can i be yours for you will be happy,
Can i be there for you when u need me.

I Love you,
is gaining your love and trust hard on you?

~`beautiful ` Valentine`~

2007-01-28T22:13:00.000+08:00

well, it has been quite some time since i last blogged. Guess i anit very responsible and consistence guy ya..hahas...alright...Valentines is coming. Though a single Valentine i shall be having for with myself. But there are ideas i have came up with well, while i am still attached. so....here goes !!

Case 1:

"Unmeltable LoVe"

First of all, get something that your girlfriend loves very much. For example, if she loves roses or dolphins, get out to the streets and start looking for a " clear-plastic cubic sealed + the flower rose" in it. Please kindly note that the small plastic container that frames the object must be completely sealed. Just like those keychain size you bought with your name engraved in it.

Submerge the cube into a small glass of water and freeze it in the frezzer. Then get your girlfriend to go to your so called "happenly planned dinner" at your house. (Whatever it is...Just get her to your house, may it be after a wonderful date out.) Alright, sit her down and brings out the freezed cube submerged in the ice. Take the ice out and place it in front of her. Tell her this "our love will end after this ice have melted, and when u are able to take the small rose out of this ice." while she franticly seeing the ice melting, stay with her. When time comes that she knows that all ice have melted and only that plastic cubic thingy is left. Tell her "my love for you will stop if you are able to get the rose out" =)

Well i suppose i was gonna do that..but...well...

_LoVe_

2007-01-22T22:57:00.000+08:00

Love is judgemental,
love is lending a hand to anyone in need.

Love is not painful,
Love is knowing the sacrifices are well worth.

Love is not biased,
Love is recognising someone's pain and comforting them.

Love is not difficult,
Love is opening your heart to those who want to give.

Love is not selfish,
Love is putting another's heart above mine.

Love is not blind,
Love is being able to look in the mirror and know that you are someone special.

Love is not complex,
Love is a sincere smile.

Love is not distant,
Love is a heartful hug.

Love is the one true gift i would like to share with you today in unlimited supply and today i would like you to know that i love you..

2006-09-15T08:26:00.000+08:00

wahahahah....3 seconds into DLing..this spd liao

wallet

2006-08-11T23:07:00.000+08:00

a wallet that contains nth for now, shall day by day, grow in wealth..a wallet that now contains nth, shall day by day view the growth of my finance and wealth..for a scrap start now, till the end..i shall have this memorable wallet with me

life's journey

2006-08-11T23:00:00.000+08:00

a journey of life, what about a journey of life... Far far away.. Sits a destination..Far far away..Sits me..A journey towards my destination..A journey of life..Life is like a boat traveling on waters..On the sea, everything is possible. Miracle, waves, sun, breeze and stillness..all this are part of life..One will experience all these before reaching your destination.One needs to row hard to get to your destination..Making important decisions.towards directions...When having faith in yourself is all you left with..life seems to point in all directions...

thoughts

2006-06-26T18:27:00.000+08:00

treasuring every moment of sight,
treasuring every moment of touch,
treasuring every moment of smell,
it's all about you....
treasuring every moment of you,
treasuring every moment of us.

Now that you're in my life, my heart never stops feeling fortunate,
Now that you're in my life, i've learnt how to live without you,

You're my kola bear and i love the fact that i have you.
enjoying every moment of us, i love you

every moment with you, i lost the definition of emptiness
every moment with you, i gain something call happiness
every moment with you, i lost worries; for you have thought worries clouded my head when i'm with you, i'm sorry to have you worried. For the fact i have you, i will do my best for u.
every moment with you, i gain something call love

every moment without you, i have you in my heart.
for your voice singing beautifully in me, i remembered no songs.

loving you, each day passes with a purpose.

today~

2006-06-14T09:50:00.000+08:00

whenever you are in my sight, i can breathe
that alone should satisfy me, but..
since i am so sensitive that i keep making mistake
how strong must i become so that you will not get hurt?
i believe in this love without a question and live
embracing this love all the moments i can have..

pastpresentfuture

2006-06-06T08:23:00.000+08:00

when i'm with you, i'm thinking of the present, the present containing happiness that i want you to have,

when i miss you, i'm thinking of the future, the future containing everything about you.

when i think of the past, i see memories of us.

for me whom u chosen, have faith, fall into my arms and i will not disappoint you.
i love you..

cherish you~

2006-05-28T00:26:00.000+08:00

Heart full of you, every breathe contains
my pinning and misses for you.
for the present i cherish the moments i have with you...
Future might hold uncertainties..i understand....
Sometimes, i truly wished to have a secured future with you...
thoughts gathered,
will i treasure you as much then ??
will i love you this much??
for then i wish to have an uncertain future...
coz i wanna love you more,
For now the moments i cherish,
For then the future i'll work my best...

i'm serious abt you...
for a commitment im ready, will u accept me ?

hard...

2006-05-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

what is happiness..can i be the one to be there when u need one ??
can i be the one you trust??
seeing u in a state of sadness pretty much reminds me that i'm useless
brings me to thinkthat regardless how much i wan to give u the happiness, i'm helpless
have not tried hard enough?? have i not ??

footprints~

2006-05-25T22:02:00.000+08:00

footprints are left in my heart..
where it originated from..
i have no idea...
there's a endless stretch of identical ones when i've noticed..
whose was it..i don't know
where it started...i don't know
till everytime i see you..
footprints grew...
it's yours you are leaving in my heart...
without wind, without sea, the footprints are here to stay..
objective is clear....... to be a shoe suitable for you....
together creating a new path...
will mine anchor in your heart one day??

i love you.... truly...

i dont understand

2006-05-14T23:51:00.000+08:00

i don't know the future, i know the past.
i create the present, i live with no regrets.
for my feelings towards you, i hope u to know
- there's no regrets or wat-so-ever.,
- i'm serious, serious abt you,

for then i laughed at the lead character in the book "boy meets girl",
for his sensitivity, for his nervousness, for his madly-in-love state,
i laughed. i thought i understands his feelings.
i was wrong.
for me now in his shoes, i was wrong.
now that i've truly understands the lead character feelings.
i'm in love.

why would i regret when im true,
why would i regret when im serious,
why wouldn't there be a chance?
why wouldn't there be us?

there wont be regrets,
i treasure,
i care,
i miss,
i feel,

for my feelings i have for u..i care..

silence

2006-04-30T23:36:00.000+08:00

in times of silence, i heard nothing.
in times of conflict, i heard nothing.
in times of war, i heard cries.
in times of life, i heard worries.
in time to come. i heard only silence.

in a life of silence, i heard your voice, i heard laughter.
i took your laughter for granted then, i forgotten you are human like us too, you will feel sad, you will feel hurt. days without your laughter is colourless i shall say.

i miss your laughter.
for a peaceful and carefree mind you can have, i ask for blessing.

_still_

2006-04-30T23:28:00.000+08:00

a new face, a new beginning, a new life
an old face, winkled face holding lots of memories,
each representing a moment in their life that worth their tears.

a clear blue sky i wish you to have,
endless thoughts of you floats in my heart,
can i be your teddy bear? can you have faith in me and share all hurt u feel, all pain u feel.
for you i'm here to share.
for you i'm here to feel.
for you i'm here to love.
for you i'm here for beginning.

2006-04-16T22:14:00.000+08:00

boy meets girl..... a piece of art done by a very special friend of mine.. simple materials yet marvelous results with a creative thinking of hers...cheers !

feelings

2006-04-10T19:49:00.000+08:00

in the bus full of lifeless souls, i have my personal space at a corner of the ever quiet bus filled with sounds of yawns and engines roaring away. listening to a song i enjoyed, urge of tears filling my eyes gushed into my head. i felt helpless once again.i did listen the revious night, but i felt fortunate at that point of time. i was chatting withyou... i wasnt pretty much affected by the moods conveyed by the song. have i not learnt to balance my emotions? days ground without you and days fairies with you around

days ground without you and days fairies with you around.

belongs to memories

2006-04-09T22:15:00.000+08:00

i take a breath,
a breath of memories,

a breath of memories....
a breath taking me to where i wan to belongs to....
let me feel the breath one more time.
just one more time,

hanging on to the word and breath of the words...
memories of where i wan to be....

where i wan to be????

visions blurred by tears of memories.

items

2006-04-08T21:42:00.000+08:00

it takes two words and one item of sentimental values to bring smiles in my heart.

4th day

2006-04-07T22:19:00.000+08:00

a book that's halfway through.
a heart that longs for one.
waiting for your return.
thoughts of your return excites me -)
off i go continuing my reading

3rd day

2006-04-06T22:11:00.000+08:00

if i can walk on the clouds, will you walk with me on the waters ?
if i can walk on fire, will you walk with me on the sun ?
if i can walk on the greens, will you walk with me in the woods?

denser...
longing, misses, sunshine smiles always from you..

for you walking around in circles in my head, leaving footsteps in my memories.
braincells killed, a common topic. smiles and memories i gathered.

3rd day. a book accompanying my time. my soul. a book that satisfy my souls questionings.

_i miss you.._

FeeLingS

2006-04-06T17:56:00.000+08:00

Watching the world as it passes by, i cant find my pace. but i still believe.
History abt you doesn't matter to me at all, i'm only interested in the future and the present with you. Lost in the world as it passes by, trying to smile but you cant hide your tears. i hope i can be with you, together we pray for all our hopes and dreams...together....

i always wanted to let you know how i feel, but circumstances doesnt allow me to do so.
hurt, confused and troubled is what i'm afraid you might feel. But i still believe.

Floating like a star you are, shining as you always will. Thats what you means to me.
To the feeling i have for you, to the determinations i have, to the gravity my feelings towards you...

Aishiteruze....

Seek

2006-04-05T22:43:00.000+08:00

lead me to the heart i seek,
an ocean is where i am now,
facing the vast seas,
i seek for you.
facing the horizon,
i'm finding the key to the answer i seek
in my life,
in my beliefs,
in one's heart.

2nd day

2006-04-05T22:06:00.000+08:00

Every second passed...very quiet...hMmm...basically..kinda colourless life yeah today... not very productive today yeah...watch some ONE PIECE, race on my NFS MW..pretty usual stuff...As for the afternoon, i read a book that she recommended... pretty nice book...love it... AT LEAST there's something productive.. i'm recommending THE PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE by RICK WARREN to everyone out there...a pretty nice book...it somehow leads me to understand and to know more abt my purpose of life..hmm..well..still reading...and getting hooked to the book...haha...hmm...when will u be back...bahh...sunshine smile.....

* unspoken thoughts, unspoken feelings, unspoken words *

1st day

2006-04-04T20:04:00.000+08:00

today is the first day since she's gone...and it seems to me that i have not talk to her for weeks or even months. . .

A call, one ring.
a conversation, two person,
a smile, three thoughts,

thought of you,
thougth of worrying,
thought of trust.

when will u be back? days seems funny and long...

hOpE

2006-04-03T12:53:00.000+08:00

i could have chosen not to love you if i tried,
i could have deceived myself if i tried,
i could have buried myself with lies if i tried,

no, i didnt try.
because i understand why,

Why?

because i saw your eyes that catches my soul.

A glimmer of hope is all it takes for a thought to turn into an action.
i shall be strong and hold on to that glimpse of hope.

^LoVe^

2006-04-02T11:18:00.000+08:00

In childhood, i always followed,
The treasure map in my heart,
Lead me to the promised land i sought,
That i might not lose to one unknown,
Even now,
All i can do is sigh,
Everyone's still,
My true dreams has yet to be fulfilled,
But if the world changes,
Could you take me from when i know nothing,
Take me with you, so my memories won't fade,
Take me so i won't be caught up in the pain,

2006-04-02T09:39:00.000+08:00

When I'm with you,
eternity is a step away,
my love continues to grow,
with each passing day.

This treasure of love,
I cherish within my soul,
how much I love you...
you'll never really know.

You bring a joy to my heart,
I've never felt before,
with each touch of your hand,
I love you more and more.

Whenever we say goodbye,
whenever we part,
know I hold you dearly,
deep inside my heart.

I'll love you....

A smile of yours is brighter then a thousand candles, a thought of you is sweeter then honey and sugars, the beauty and charisma of yours attracts me...For you i'm attracted, for you i pray....

events~

2006-03-27T20:14:00.000+08:00

can an ocean without water, without fishes be an ocean?
can a forest without tress, without animals be a forest?
.
.
.
the same applies to the love i have for you...
it requires nothing less to love you. . .

an hour in a bus, a bus traveling, a music that shokes ones heart, a penny for your thoughts??

one book, one's reading, eyes are reading, but the heart isnt reading...
what's the heart doing then ??
it's worrying about the girl besides him.
my hearts wanna share the penny of your thought, the pain you are recovering from...can i??

seeing you in a mist of thought, i dying to be the lighthouse to lead you off the mist. Leading you to your ever happy smiles i longing for... =)

a penny of my thoughts??? thinking of your smiles...thinking of you.

hidden corner

2006-03-24T23:43:00.000+08:00

whats about being myself,
will i ever get your attention?
whats about falling in love with you,
will i ever get your love?
whats about being there for you,
will i ever be recognised?

for you i love, for you i care, for you i mind.. i love you
for you unknown to the fact, for you unknown to my feelings, for you unknown my good wills... i love you.

for the guy u like...i dying to be him....
face reality...for you have said about being myself..
be strong...for me having told u to face reality strongly...

Reality is a step away from a thought only if u act on it...

quips

2006-03-21T20:08:00.000+08:00

a thought shall always remains as one,
be it a thought of reality or quips of life..
actions taken to a thought, one it shall not remains as,
pursuing reality it shall becomes..

for a past i shall not look back,
for today i shall live to the fullest,
for a tomorrow i shall work for..

to a dear friend that i truly adore, shall you be free from all your troubles and brightful smiles i shall see on your face every single day. One i shall not forgive for making u angry or hurt.

2006-03-18T00:35:00.000+08:00

hearts of reds

2006-03-18T00:34:00.000+08:00

woohoo...another theme!! super cool...

blacklighthouse

Test Test

I'm glad we met

true torment day no.1

LoVe

F1

Love Commitment

A Same Heart

My homepaGe

love love love

Princess

Princess Jigsaws

staircases of love

Reality Memories

Missing Her

Oh Well Guess I Am Too Bored

This is a Love Song

History, It's call history

LoVe

Sweetest Thoughts Left Untouched

Spell This ! Quote This !

Random Thoughts

Ghastly Roses

Compilations of Love and Misses 2

Compilations of Love and Misses

A night outfield

Lone Tree, Lone Future

Slient night, Mass Voices

leafy Growths

delicated safe place

Product Characteristic

-windy tears-

Feel

Prayer

Will Summer Come?

Melt In Snow

stars tearing

delicate

jus glad ~

Traces. . . ..

Amusement

~Diary_

Completely Incomplete

tRy~

Early Heart

To you

Hearts

Emotion Struggle

hOw MuCh i WeIgH...

PerHapS perhaps perhapS

Slient Nights

Tides, Depth and Sea

Tides, Depth and Sea

~Fidelity~

-SoMeTHING worTH waitING fOR-

Thesis of Hurt

a basket of hope

LoSt treasures

~`beautiful ` Valentine`~

_LoVe_

wallet

life's journey

thoughts

today~

pastpresentfuture

cherish you~

hard...

footprints~

i dont understand

*silence*

_still_

feelings

belongs to memories

items

4th day

3rd day

FeeLingS

Seek

2nd day

1st day

silence

hOpE