Its funny how things can be bizarrely wrong when you are out alone. 

Take for example, before i was out doing my lonesome walking around and shopping for christmas, i had this wildest and the most incredible thoughts of what i will be doing for the day. 

I will be thinking whether i should go for a wakeboard, since i have never tried that before, or i should go cycle the southern part of our tiny island for the day. Thoughts like this will come to a pass and eventually, my get-real-and-down-to-earth "me" will pull myself out of the comfort thoughts of the wildest ever possible thing to do, and just do something mundane, and by saying that, i mean coming over to city to join in the squeezing, cutting and racing around people frantically.

So here I am, at the desks of a vintage old redwood, probably came from some trees in China or Indonesia, awaiting my opportunity to join in the crazy vibe queuing up, seeing the incredible range of drinks one can make with just some sugar syrup and coffee powder. Joining the coffee craze along with a million others right now in the world, i found myself a little comfort i have from the uniqueness everyone is possessing.

Along with every table, every shops, every stairs and lifts thats within my sight, everyone i saw seems to be in their own share of world. Sad, tired, happy, chatty, bored (like what I'm feeling now) and along with a bazillion other emotions one can ever possibly portray. 

Having to think about all these emotions that I have across my mind right now, makes me feel that life isn't fair at all. Looking at the christmas lighting doesn't makes me feel any at all "christmas-ee" What i do feel, however, is the impracticality usage of electricity in the near coming doom rise of the recession fever. Shouldn't they cut down on usage and try to do their part in keeping the business alive? 

Nope, that is not true in the marketing sense. In times of recession, one will end up spending equally much on unnecessary stuff. Their way of cutting down usage and "slimming cost down is rather simple, retrenchment. I don't buy the craze and the need to have all these decors. And what is the point, to have lights and bulbs so near to the human traffic, and have to put up "DANGER, HIGH VOLTAGE" sign? Aren't they simple hilarious doing so?

Having said so much, I'm actually kind of thirsty already, - "Yeah I know, I'm using my hands and not my mouth, but still..... THRISTY!" - and the queue is never subsiding! SEE! This is the disadvantage of having to come out all alone. You just simply CANT LEAVE YOUR THINGS UNATTENTED!

Moving on with other things, -still thirsty- have you ever wonder the wildest possible thing you wanna do and yet decided not to, just like me sitting here writing this incredibly nonsensical crap." Confidence, Laziness, Funds and Purpose. Lacking any one of each, you will be far away from your desired dreams. So move on! Be it you want to be contented with life or not, MOVE ON! If you desire what you really want, then start doing something about it. "Saying is easier then done?" Trust me, I'm together with you in this shit. And i apologize if I am going to leave you hanging here because I really don't wish to talk about it. *Laughs*, Okay, not funny right? Umm. i figured that out already. 

Having this two years spent not using much of my brain to do the stuffs i have been using it for for 18 years, i felt stupid. And i don't think anyone should be blamed for this except myself. For the past 1 year plus, i have been trying to read up as much as possible. I tried reading and problem-solving questions, just in order to keep my brain function. But then i realized that as hard as i tried, it is just so impossible to keep up my prime times. Day in and day out you will be kept out of reach of the "education materials" needed, exposed to the most impossibly redundant crap of your life, and breathing in the most polluted gases ever produced by an invention of mankind. Kid you not, i think my brain is actually dying.

Enough of that, tell you something, in fact, it might very well be the happiest thing have happened in my life. My love just came over from her scheduled appointment with her friend, whom is already late by the way,- as usual-, to drop of a drink for me! How sweet was that! I never thought that would happen to me. I tell you I feel like I'm the happiest guy on earth right now. And I am so sorry for making her angry at times. I feel so privileged to have her around my side. There is not enough thank you i can say or I love you i can express. But i simply do. It's a little nudge in my heart, sweetening my day and I am so so fortunate. 

Thank You my Baby. Loving You so much.  

I'm so over the moon right now, I think I will continue this post of mine after I have at the very least calmed myself down from this very "eggcited and happy" moment now.