Have i been deceiving myself?

With all that i have done, i think that it is still surface work.

All the effort that I have given, it is not enough.

Have i forgotten how to love someone?

Or have I not met the real one?

Or have I became one that fear to love again?

It has been quite some time i have loved anyone. Really long, have i forgotten to love. i think i have the rights to believe so.

To believe that i have forgotten.

Now that I finally got someone in mind. No, in heart. It seems hard to love.

So hard to venture out and be myself to love. So hard to take the first step again.

I am really so afraid to take the first step again.

Now that i know your requirements for a partner, it seems so hard for me to catch up.

But i like you, yet it seems so unreachable.

Why at times, i simply just feel so distant from you. It seems that i don't feel connected with you at times, but then there are times we throughly enjoyed. So what is it going to be?

I tried so hard to be someone better; someone better to be in the position worthy to love you. Have I lost myself? Have i improved? Have i changed?

Looking back finding myself, i find myself inadequately unfamiliar with myself again.

There are so many things I want to be, so many things that I want.

But knowing that I can only have one, being one; is enough to spins me running in my head.

How good am I actually.

Simply, just who out there understands me. I doubt.